This week this happened.
My biggest boy turned 6 whole years. It was 6 whole years since he made his arrival into the world. 6 just seems like such a big number to have a child. Hes growing at such a rate, it flies past in a blur.
Was it really 6 years ago I sat in a hospital ward unable to move and looking down at this little bundles wrapped in blankets with a mop of black hair. Was it really 5 years since my curly haired 1 year old who had just started working and we had a little party at home in a our tiny flat filled with other 1 years old and their parents. Was it really 4 years ago since I hosted by first kiddy birthday party in a local hall complete with party bags, cake, soft play and balloons.Was it really 3 years ago we had a soft play party and you ran around like a crazy person with your curls bouncing up and down.Was it really 2 years ago where we had a few friends at ours to watch a film and celebrate your birthday.Was it really only a year ago who had your first disco party with girls and boys from your class.
The years are rushing past and each year brings new challenges, adventures and changes. 6 years ago as I sat holding him in my arm I went from being me to being Mum. This word would now define my everything. I'm not saying i'm no longer me, but the me that I am has changed - for the better as being a mum is more then I every thought it would be. Being a mum is the one thing that is always on my mind from making sure I buy the fruit the boys like the most, to worrying about them while i'm at work, or planning out the weeks ahead with childcare. This crazy energetic boy has taught me and continues to teach me how to be mum. I try so hard to be the best by them - some days I achieve this more than others (like Friday where I had a cake to ice so both boys were plugged into devices - not so winning on the parenting stakes)
Being mum to M has changed the way I am mum to N. I worry so much more about the biggest boy - from his social skills, to his academic skills to his growing and eating. Being mum to a school age boy brings a whole new set of worries, night wakes up and general life planning (like school trips, packed lunches and parents evening)
This boy fills me with so much joy. He is funny, his imagination is something that has always been vast. He talks and talks - but rarely listens!! He is always in this bubble of M world - not looking around him or assessing the situation. He chatters away about everything but ask him what he did in school that day - dunno. He loves superheros and star wars. The speed in which he has picked up playing computer games is amazing. He would quite happily sit and watch TV all day - but he would also quite happily run round a play park for hours on end. He is always bouncing. Literally bouncing. His eating is not the best, but I am learning to be calmer about this and pick my battles. As he grows we are learning together more about how he processes emotions, the sadness he feels from upsetting his friends and how much he just wants to be liked. He breaks my heart at times with big fat tears. He is struggling more with his understanding in situations and we have lots of battle around me asking to do something and him wanting to know why - this is from everything from going to bed, trying something new to eat or putting on his uniform.
I am learning and growing as much as he is learning and growing. This being a mum thing is pretty awesome but it also is hard. I hope I am enough for him, and helping him be the best he really can be.
Make a wish my biggest boy - and may it come true.
Love always Mum.x