14 May 2014

Guilty

Should I feel guilty? Is it wrong for me not to?

Maybe I should explain.

I love being a mum. I love my boys dearly. They are wonderful little bundles of fun ( most of the time)

However - I am looking forward to going back to work. Does that make me a bad mum? Does that make me love my kids less? Is it wrong for me want to return back to a job I enjoy? Shouldn't I want to be a stay at home mum and nurture and care for children. Shouldn't that be what I want with my life.

Is it wrong that I am looking forward to having a work wardrobe, and dropping my kids off at school or nursery or families homes. I am looking forward to collecting them and getting cuddles and holding them and talking to them. I looking forward to seeing them grow with independence and adapt to a changing world. I am looking forward to having a lunch break, and talking to others (probably about my kids 70% of the time). I am looking forward to lattes and team meetings. I am looking forward to emails and phone conferences. I am looking forward to using excel and making sense out of problems as they arise. I am looking forward to home times and picking up treats for the boys. I am looking forward to bath times and bedtimes cuddles. I am looking forward to family weekends and time spent with each other.

Is it wrong to feel this way. Is it wrong to not want to be at home with my children. Is it wrong that sometimes I want to have some space from them. Some space to breathe and reflect and rush straight back home to them. Is it wrong to want these things. Am I failing by wanting to be a working mummy.

I know the days will be hard, the balancing act will return. I will be thinking about work deadlines, PE kit packing, homework to do, housework to stay on top of, whats for dinner questions and ensuring the little one is collected from wherever he may be. Making sure that phone calls are made, and sick days are taken, and lunches are made, and that the million and one thoughts that run through a mummy's head are attended to. That things are kept moving. That life keeps going.

Sure it will be hard. Is it wrong that I am looking forward to it,

Should I feel guilty?

8 comments:

  1. naw, don’t feel guilty. It’s our little bit of sanity and if you can afford it, then why not? It’s a good thing, but tiring, as you already know! x

    jo

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    1. Thanks Jo - i'm not looking foward to that part, oh and the brain puzzles fitting everything in.

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  2. Absolutely not, working allows you to be you and not just mummy. Making you a more content mummy. And it's lovely to have a peaceful lunch sometimes. :-)

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    1. Thanks Ally - peaceful lunch break is awesome, may even fit in some knitting!!!

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  3. You shouldn't feel guilty at all for wanting to go back to work. I am not a mom ( though long to be) but I have friends who have young children and we have discussed on numerous occasions about the return to work debate. Often my friends haven't had much choice in returning to work as financially they have had to return to work, but they have all said that they were looking forward to being in an adult world again. Time away from their children makes the time they do have with their children even more precious and rewarding. Yes, my friends are tired and times can be hard but they are all providing for their children and bringing them up the best way they can. Nobody should feel guilty by going back to work or being a stay at home parent. You know what is best for your children and as long as you and your children are contented and happy than that is all that matters. By reading your blog over the last couple of years I know that you and K are doing a fantastic job in raising M and N and your pictures of them are lovely to see. Xxx

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    1. Thank you Lesley. So kind of you to say. I think its a bit of both . Finacial we need me to go back, but only as we have an awesome family network helping out with childcare. I am looking forward to having conversations with adults again, but also feel made that feels a little selfish. Finding that balance is hard. Thank you for your kind words and stopping by.

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  4. Definitely not! being a stay at home mum suits some people, being a working mum suits others. Personally I think I'd go mad as a stay at home mum, but some people wouldn't have it any other way. So there is no reason for you to feel guilty! you have your gorgeous family and as long as theyre safe and happy, it doesn't matter If you spend every waking second with them or not!

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    1. Thanks Claire. Its hard that every decision we make we second guess ourseleves.I am looking forward to this new normality.

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