Maybe I should explain.
I love being a mum. I love my boys dearly. They are wonderful little bundles of fun ( most of the time)
However - I am looking forward to going back to work. Does that make me a bad mum? Does that make me love my kids less? Is it wrong for me want to return back to a job I enjoy? Shouldn't I want to be a stay at home mum and nurture and care for children. Shouldn't that be what I want with my life.
Is it wrong that I am looking forward to having a work wardrobe, and dropping my kids off at school or nursery or families homes. I am looking forward to collecting them and getting cuddles and holding them and talking to them. I looking forward to seeing them grow with independence and adapt to a changing world. I am looking forward to having a lunch break, and talking to others (probably about my kids 70% of the time). I am looking forward to lattes and team meetings. I am looking forward to emails and phone conferences. I am looking forward to using excel and making sense out of problems as they arise. I am looking forward to home times and picking up treats for the boys. I am looking forward to bath times and bedtimes cuddles. I am looking forward to family weekends and time spent with each other.
Is it wrong to feel this way. Is it wrong to not want to be at home with my children. Is it wrong that sometimes I want to have some space from them. Some space to breathe and reflect and rush straight back home to them. Is it wrong to want these things. Am I failing by wanting to be a working mummy.
I know the days will be hard, the balancing act will return. I will be thinking about work deadlines, PE kit packing, homework to do, housework to stay on top of, whats for dinner questions and ensuring the little one is collected from wherever he may be. Making sure that phone calls are made, and sick days are taken, and lunches are made, and that the million and one thoughts that run through a mummy's head are attended to. That things are kept moving. That life keeps going.
Sure it will be hard. Is it wrong that I am looking forward to it,
Should I feel guilty?