10 Nov 2013

{one week in}

 we did it. We survived one whole week as a family of 4.

And there had been a lot of tears. Mainly from me. 

I knew throughout pregnancy I wanted to try breastfeeding again with this baby. By day 5 I had been exclusively breastfeeding. However this came with some ups and downs. And that morning K found me sobbing my eyes out, the baby screaming. I was in so much pain feeding causing bleeding as well. Seeing your child with your own blood smeared on his face or bringing it back up was not nice. We then got some formula. Our child was hungry and I could not feed him. I am lucky that we could do this so easily and also that N drank it down. Calm desended on our house. 

I spent most of the rest of the day tearful. Feeling overwhelming guilt. I got some great support from some lovely friends and I carried on expressing. I'm able to give N at least one breast milk bottle a day. I am happy with this. I know breast feeding is the best thing for baby. Unfortunatly I don't think it's the best thing for me. And it was very hard admitting that. I have complete respect and awe for all those mummies that do it. You are much stronger than me x

Apart from tears about that I've been feeling overwhelming aniexty most days. And keep bursting into tears. The list of things I am scared/worried of is long. But each day I am getting a little better and crying a little less. I'm tired as I seem to have developed and inability to relax due to this state of worry. I'm sure it will get easier. 

M has taken to his baby brother so well. He loves to give him cuddles. And is really being a big helper. He has been a little extra over excitable but I think that's due to daddy being at home and all these extra visitors to the house. M has been sick as well this week which had not been fun. He was so proud showing his baby brother to his teachers at school. He still loves having cuddles with mummy. 

Things we have learned about N. He's not so keen on laying on his back- makes nappy changes fun. Is not a fab of his Moses basket at night. He loves having a dummy, it really calms him down. He is wearing newborn size clothes, and even somebody them are too big! He's in size 1 nappies. Loves have a bath. Loves to be wrapped up in a towel. 

We are all learning how to get through this together. And yes I am worried about coping. But I have two boys now that need me. I've just gotta take each day as it comes. 

L

5 comments:

  1. He's gorgeous. thanks for sharing the photos.

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  2. Congratulations and Well done! x

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  3. He's a real cutie. Well done! I can't imagine having two - it must be extra exhausting. I too struggled to breastfeed with my boy and felt lots of guilt when we turned to bottles but now its so much easier and calmer and he's happy.

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  4. Congratulations; Such a cutie. Two cuties to love and hug now. Jude.x

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  5. Hope you're feeling better anxiety wise after the first week and a bit. BF may be best but it's not always the case for us mums. You tried and that's better than not giving a go at all in my book I didn't even get as far as five days so good for you. You have a lovely a little family well done and keep posting!x

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