This week saw K go back to work which meant I was mummy on duty. On my own. Solo parenting. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. But day one was achieved and all went ok. I managed all the things I needed to do. Yes the house is still a tip. But I got M to school and home. And he was fed. I even managed a load of washing and washing up! Small things.
It's been an eventful two weeks and my tears have finally settled down. I'm still quite anixious but trying to stay postive and focus on good things. Rather than things that haven't. Easier said than done. Each day I'm trying to take as it comes rather than worry about what may happen. I've always been a "worrier" but these feelings seem to have been amplified since N arrival. It's like my confidence has been dented. I mean I will cope as I have to cope but I still have this nagging doubt in the back of my mind. Shaking it off is easier some days than others.
On my list to do is find a local playgroup or something. Something where I can meet other mums. I don't want to fall into this bubble of keeping myself to myself. Though it would be easier. The thought of going out and "making friends" at the age of 30 is slightly unnerving to say the least.
M has taken really well to his baby brother and talks about him all the time. He wants to help, to hold him, push his buggy. I'm glad they have taken to each other so well. M has been really good at starting to learn about waiting for me to do things. Especially if I'm sorting N out. I still get asked "why" an awful lot of the time but that's nothing unusual there!
N is still not back up to his birth weight but he seems to be doing well. He is focusing more, holding his head up more and being awake for longer stretches. We have angry periods from him and he does pull the funniest faces. He loves cuddles and being held but is getting better at taking naps/sleeps I'm his Moses basket. He loves his dummy.
I'm slowly getting back on my feet. Slowly getting to grips with it all again. Slowly.