I went into spontaneous labour with M. (Gushing waters breaking and all that) but my body just did it slowly. I got to 4cm with and eventual epidural due to me being so tired. When they tried to use the drip to speed me up. M protested. His heart rate dropped and the decision to have an emergency section was made.
He was born at 4.20am. I didn't hold him till 7.30am. He was whisked away to neonatal for tests.
My aftercare I received (which only now looking back) was not great. But also I think I was too timid/ scared/ overwhelmed to speak up and say something.
I was the first of a lot of my friends to go through labour. To become a mum. I have heard now birth stories and after care stories and have gained so much from there experiences in advice and even how things could happen. I feel
I'm armed a bit more with some back bone. A voice to say something when I'm not happy.
As labour approaches with number 2 I am getting more anxious. I think I'm remembering more details about M birth plus my antenatal care through this pregnancy has not been great. I've never seen the same midwife /doctor / consultant twice. This results in me constantly being advised different things. Different opinions and different can/cannot do in labour with being a previous section.
I saw a counsellor yesterday at the hospital. As most of my appointments now I end up in tears. I'm just so confused which is not aiding my aniexty. As per usal I ended up in tears (though I treated myself to a costa. That helped!) but with the help of her I now have a care plan written. I have not made statements that this MUST happen. I'm still open to options. But I do want me and my husband to be kept informed. I do not want a prolonged labour. I am happy to try for a vbac but I am also content with the possibility that I could end in another section. My goal is for baby to arrive safe in the end.
I'm scared of going through it all again. I do worry I'm not strong enough. I'm sure I will be. Well there's no going back now.